How to Increase the Acceptance Ratios of Top Conferences?

In the beginning was the pub. This work was triggered by a pub conversation where the authors observed that many resumes list acceptance ratios of conferences where their papers appear, boasting the low acceptance ratio. The lower the ratio, better your paper looks. The list might look equally impressive if one listed the rejection ratio of conferences where ones paper was submitted and rejected. We decided to lampoon rather than lament the effort the PC typically put in: wouldn’t the world be better if we could encourage only high quality submissions and so run top conferences with very high acceptance ratios? This paper captures our thoughts, and it is best consumed in a pub (and in color).